


Running

by ElizabethWilde



Series: Driving Force [9]
Category: X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Post-Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-12-28
Updated: 2000-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethWilde/pseuds/ElizabethWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unable to stand being around Jean anymore, Scott leaves the mansion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running

**Author's Note:**

> Song used is "When She Wakes Up (And Finds Me Gone)" by Tim McGraw

~A note of things I should've said  
Lays beside her sleeping head  
As I turn and make my way off in the night  
By the time the morning's breaking  
My heart still will be aching  
Every time I think of what I've left behind~

I stayed in my room most of the day writing the note. I must've gone through a thousand drafts. Every time, it didn't seem like enough. Or it seemed like too much. It's going to hurt her, but I don't want it to hurt too much. I don't want it to hurt her like it hurts me. I can feel my heart breaking with every word.

I have to leave. I can't think of any way to stand being here any longer without her. I know I was the one who said we should be friends, but I need her too much. It kills me to be with her and not hold her. I need to be far enough away that I can't turn back and go home. Where that is, I don't know. 

Since I can't just tell her all the things I need to say, I wrote them, pouring my love into a note instead of her eyes. It's probably a cold way to leave her, but anything else would be impossible. I can't look in her eyes and then leave.

I finally finished the note, folded it, wrote her name on the outside. I slipped into her new room quietly. When I saw Logan there, sleeping with his arm around her waist, I knew it wouldn't be as easy as I'd hoped to leave unnoticed, but I put the note beside her head on the pillow and brushed back a strand of her hair anyway. I needed that much if I was never going to see her again.

~'Cause I don't want to see me leaving in her eyes  
And I can't stand to watch her watch me make her cry  
And I don't know a right way I can do her wrong  
So I don't want to be here in the morning  
When she wakes up and finds me gone~

I don't guess he expected me to follow 'im, but I did. He goes into Jean's room in the middle of the night with some note and expects me to just let him go? Uh-uh. Doesn't work that way.

"Where you goin'?"

Scooter looked at me like he'd rather pull out his own toenails than talk to me. "I don't know. I need to leave."

I growled without even thinking about it, and he took a step back. "You know how much this is gonna hurt Jeannie, don't you?"

"Yeah." That's when I noticed that there were tears runnin' down his face. Damned if it wasn't one of the saddest things I ever remember seein'. "Look, Logan, I know. I just can't stay."

Funny thing is, I could understand. I think if I were in his place, I'd do the same thing. Hell, I more or less did the same thing. But I couldn't stay away from her, and I came back. He will too. I tried to soften my tone. "Yeah. Just don't be too long."

He seemed confused for a minute, then nodded. "Okay." And he walked away. It's either the bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do or the stupidest. I can't quite decide which.

~It hurts to know how much she'll hurt   
I've told myself things could be worse  
And I've convinced myself she's better off this way  
By the time she finds I'm gone  
I'll be a long, long way from home  
When she reads a note of things I couldn't say~

//Jean,

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Having my eyes taped shut for two months and living in fear of myself is nothing compared to how scary it is to live without you, without your love. 

I'm leaving the school. I left the Professor a note too. I guess I'm too chicken to tell either of you in person. I don't want to hurt you. I know I am. I'm sorry.

I love you. I will always love you. I don't care how far apart we are or how much we change or whether we even ever see each other again, I'll love you until the day I die. Probably after too. Finding you was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. Having you love me was better than I ever could've hoped.

I wish it would have worked, but I do understand, maybe not fully, but enough. I hope that someday you'll forgive me for doing this; there's just no other way.

All my love,  
Scott//

~Lord I don't want to be here in the morning  
When she wakes up and finds me gone~


End file.
